decomposition

I’m so stuck lately. So stuck. I spend a lot of time sitting and staring at something and thinking about not much. I keep rereading the same things or staring at the same pictures or even the blank screen on my computer. I’ve come as close to thinking about nothing lately as I ever have. My brain becomes a slug. It never made sense to me when people said they weren’t thinking about anything. My mind is pretty much always racing, but this week it’s slowed down. Probably sugar, or hormones, but it is uncomfortable, because instead of thinking of nothing, I’m thinking through things really really slowly. Important things, but also trivial things. Like right now, I’m sitting in my dark kitchen thinking about dinner and walking my dog and by the time I decide on either, it will be too late for both. I’m staring at the trash can and I can smell something rotting in there. It smells good, like fresh fall air.

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