bff

This morning a friend asked me to go with her to the ER. We went and they helped her and now she is feeling better. It went as smoothly as an ER visit possibly could. And it made me feel good. First of all because she now feels much better, but it also because she asked me, because she trusted me to be with her when she was sick. It felt good that she needed me and there was something tangible that I could do to help her.

I think lately I have been really pushing back from need, trying to disengage myself as much as possible from anyone needing anything from me, including my dog (who in turn gets needier). I’ve also been trying not to need anything from anyone. I feel like the older you get the more you are supposed to pretend that you don’t need people. Need makes me uncomfortable.

The thing is, as anyone who has known me for the past few years knows, I’m good at being needed. I like to look at a problem and say, why is it this way and how can we fix it? And, then I’m good at fixing it. But that is not usually how need works. It is often more amorphous. And the fix-it approach is often not the best. In fact, in my experience, it can exacerbate the problem. Maybe that is why today felt so good. My friend needed something, and I did it, and it helped. I’m not patting myself on the back because I walked with her to the ER and sat on a couch for an hour. I didn’t do much. But being important to my friends feels really good.

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