It gets easier when you start figuring out that everyone is fucking up all the time, fucking up and muddling through, whether that person is you or the person who just won the Guggenheim, and that is maybe the best lesson: we are all doing the best we can, most of us, and there is no real answer to any of it. We are all picking our own roads.
The Rejectionist never ceases to amaze me with her insight. I’ve been blocked writing, probably because I’ve managed to get my feelings to clot too, which is a good thing, a thing that I need right now in order to keep moving forward because it was touch and go for a while there, with me just a big oozy ball of EMOTION, but here is this other writer saying things that are exactly what I want to say. One of the drafts I mentioned in my previous post is about being exactly who you are and not apologizing for it. “Whether that is a vampire,” or a person who overshares with complete strangers, and cries too much, and doesn’t have fun at bars, and says strange things to her dog, and spills all the love out. Worrying about who you are can be such a waste of time. Just get out there and be you and eventually you’ll attract people who like you and those are the people it is the best to be around anyways.
Now, I’m about to contradict myself, because I also believe in being self-aware and noticing how you affect other people and in not being an asshole. So I guess what I’m saying is, be who you are unless who you are is an asshole? Actually though, if you are an asshole, just be that, don’t hide it, spare the rest of us a whole lot of trouble. Right? Ugh. See? See how my writing is a mess at this moment? Basically what I am saying is thank you, Universe, for the Rejectionist. She’s got it right.